How to Help Your Child Build Good Friendships

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5 Steps to Healthy Friendships

I was working away on the evening meal. I was in desperate need of a tater peeler- you know,  the old fashioned kind that has 2 hands with 5 fatty digits on each. My son, Jonathan, grabbed a “tater carving device”,  and put his whittling techniques to good use. As I was breathing a sigh of relief for my now acquired help, my help began to yelp, and tell his little brother to get away from the taters!  Why? Because 1 was rotten. That was it. ONE potato out of 15. It was nasty, stinky, and slimy. I quickly became the last man standing. I picked up the other potatoes that weren’t rotten. Some of the slime from the bad tater was on them. So a gave them a good bath, and rid them of their outer coat. The rest? They became a good meal for the rumpke garbage truck.

Did you know that bad friends are like bad taters? They tend to effect those they are around, in much the same way 1 rotten potato effects 15 other healthy potatoes. Who our child hangs around will effect our child—for better or for worse.

It would be so so wonderful if children came with manuals. Especially a manual that was tailored for that specific child that is so ornery and rambunctious! Unfortunately, they aren’t. But if they were, one good chapter would have been the importance of parental influence in the choice of the friends their child acquires. I have come up with 3 reasons I consider worthy of consideration.

 3 Reasons Why You Should Help Choose Your Kids Friends

1.) Your kids will influenced by their friends

2.) Their friends will effect their reputation 

3.) The friends they have will effect their eternal destiny

At a training I attended years ago while a preschool teacher, I was told the following statistics….

Around the 1940s, the 4 most power influences upon the life of a child were rated as follows…..

1.) parents

2.) church

3.) school

4.) peers

Then around 2006…..

1.) peers

2.) school

3.) parents

4.) church

Wow! What a lot has changed in just a few few short years! I would have to wonder a new category, SOCIAL MEDIA, would even rank above peers.

As parents, it can be hard to see our child’s flaws. Maybe they are the strong leader type, or are conscientious about the choices they make. But we must remember: they are still HUMAN!

3 common but misguided arguments that friendships have little bearing on a child are….

1.) My child will be a good influence. I was told as a child that it is easier to pull a person off of a stool, than it is to pull a person up on a stool. In other words, bad influences seem to over power good influences in most circumstances.

2.) I have trained my child to choose right, so being exposed to wrong influences won’t influence them. You can polish a car for years, but if you drive down a muddy road, it gets dirty. We are curious by nature, and especially children. Youth are very very impressionable

3.) I trust my child to make good choices in friendships etc. Never trust that your child cannot err. (I know, double negative, but it provides better emphasis lol.) Children and teenagers tend to be very trusting and naive to how dangerous some people can be. We as parents have been around the block a few times and have the experience our children need to guide them into good friendships

By the way, other powerful influences are also music, games, videos, school classes

So, how can we guide our children’s friendships?

1.)Find homeschool co-op groups to meet new families or a good church with some young families. Get to know the parents and the children. If they seem to be a good fit, have play dates and game nights.

2.)Monitor who they hang out with on social media. It’s ok to say “I’m sorry, but this individual is not a good friend choice.” Use this as an opportunity to teach them the “why”. Why isn’t this person a good friend choice. This will help to build discernment in your kiddo.

3.) Be a model of a good friend. Make sure they know they are loved and valued, and that they deserve people in their life that will respect their boundaries.

4.) Keep open communication. Talk about what’s going on in his/her life. Show interest in what they are interested. If you have a poor relationship with your child, open communication at this point is not easy. If you need ideas on how to build a lasting relationship with your child, no matter the age, check out this post. (I will add link later).

5.) Come up with fun, age-appropriate activities for you, your child, and his/her friend(s). Make it meaningful and something they enjoy doing. Maybe its going bike riding, or baking cookies. Maybe it’s something that will take a little more sacrifice on your part like: camping, exploring a cave, or helping them start little sewing business. You will get the opportunity to be better acquainted with their friends, and their friends will be more apt to want to respect your values if you show that you care enough for them to invest your time and energy in them.

Do you have another idea to help our children’s friendships? Or do you have a concern that wasn’t addressed above? Leave a comment below, or drop me an email! I’d love to hear from you!